Is faith centered in on what I’ve learned to call faith, or is it seeking what can’t be taken hold of? If I’m focused in on fitting all my thoughts together, as expected, it then makes more sense to see faith as a rational effort. That sort of question hounded me even as graduate school forced me to take a stance on how to practice clinical social work. Yet, if I make this thing I’ve come to focus on what faith is calling me toward and what I cannot, consciously, encircle is it just a fabrication? But then, again, science, itself, struggles with this inescapable question raised to the power of a question. Over the past decade or so too much of what I thought to be psychotherapy began evaporating.
Could the faith, I claim to have, be built just so that I fit into the group? So then, am I defining my faith according to the group? But then, no matter what direction I wander off in, I came to know of it from within relationships with others. Nothing, I have even the feeblest grasp of, came to be known without ties to others.
Then, again, are those people I am keeping my faith with, anxious to keep things calm and quiet so that we keep hold of one another? Our anxiety, too often, is to not become tested. I knew these anxieties as deeply within my professional life as my walk with Jesus Christ. So then, for me that, deeply unconscious motivation to keep any chance of anxiety stalled out is a carrot we all dangle over the heads of others. So then, faith at all levels is bonded into relationships
Whenever I go about questioning this thing called faith, do I shape those questions so that I won’t leave the group or will I outline it so that I have to leave? Perhaps, we all struggle in both direction across time. Maybe, what we really need to be struggling with are our motives in the here and now and not whatever it is we hope to have latter.