A doe stood across our now throughly overgrown set of corrals, from me, this morning. She, also, had what I know as a pocket between us. Our type of shallow canyons branches off in many directions and as the fingers of each branch comes to an end, that end is called a pocket. She’d been calmly grazing until she caught sight of me heading out of the house to check on mom’s favored cat. She cautiously watched me walk the, close to a football field’s length, distance to the building Tinker Bell is kept in at night. She was too far away for me to look into her large dark colored doe’s eyes. I imaged the beauty, anyway.
After turning mom’s favored cat loose from her safe place, I looked back into the corral where I’d seen the doe, just a couple of minutes ago. As expected, she was no longer there. The creature had no idea of my simply wanting to watch her. She was, only, aware of potential danger and not my adoration. Like you, I’ve caught myself, only long after the fact, having wrongly assigned nasty feelings to someone. That doe running from me, in spite of my meaning her no harm speaks well of how deep the roots of our negative thoughts and feelings have grown.
Unwilling to take the chance of being adored . . . or perhaps she bounded off because all she could see was danger. I doubt she had a trace of questioning my being a risk. The doe simply responded as she would to all intruders. She, in what we call unconsciousness for ourselves, didn’t even override the kind look on my face. I am certain the same is common to us. I do not see our acts of repentance as honest, at least below the surface of consciousness. Like this morning’s doe, better than 98% of what we do is seated in aspects of ourselves of which we have no possible awareness. Here is that I see the true reason for the Jesus Prayer.