She is a “mode of existence,…

“The Church is not simply an institution.  She is “mode of existence,” a way of being.”

Being confronted with those two short sentences as I began reading John Zizioulas’s “Being as Communion” I experienced being shoved outside my box. I was struck deeper than existentialism had ever dug. Deeper than being confronted with sever sexual abuse of little girls and boys. Beyond the boundaries of what I learned to deal with in emergency rooms. Her being a mode of existence created a dissonance within me I had no imaging of. My relationship with God becoming so intertwined within the life I shared with fellow believers and well beyond those coves planted seeds deep within me.

Now lamely striving to practice the Jesus prayer, intent on knowing a way of being, I am experiencing a discord among many thoughts and feelings intent on holding me in harmony with past moments. Perhaps I am wrong, but my fearful obsession is to progress in holding the discord close while stopping my ears. My prayer is to begin discovering disharmony in the life I have lived as I experience the prayer.

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